Snapping Jaws, Glazed Eyes

I am hiding under the cold water waiting for some unsuspecting victim to swim by. Eyes just above the murky water, watching carefully, motionless. When the timing is right, I strike. Legs kick off and I'm airborne, arms spread wide, teeth bared. A screeching sound emits from deep within.

There's giggling, I'm nibbling on the person's jawline with my arms wrapped around them. Its me giggling, being silly. I was only pretending. I'm not really viscious...I just have small tendecies to be violent. I was just being playful, like wolf pups play fighting.


With that narrative put aside, I can begin my to collect my thoughts better. Today I've been in a sort of...mood. Started out really apathetic in the morning and as the day progressed into night, I got worse and worse. Until just a few moments ago, when the urge to run around and be a monster struck me.

I've always wondered if I was the only one to think like that. Am I the only one to want to run around and let go of inhibitions? I suppose not. I think I've heard others speak of such things. Would make sense. I think we all have a little something inside of us that wants to let go, be free, not care of the world around us. Mm...


Lately I've been sort of...

Off. I haven't quite been right. Not for awhile anyhow. I suppose its just that time in my life. My passage into adulthood. My coocoon years.

I am learning to be a real person. I'm attempting to figure myself and the world out. I've still got quite some time to go, in this chrysalis of mine. Plenty of time before I evolve into a platypus...er...moth...no wait...butterfly! No, I don't like that. I'm going to be a platypus...none of this butterfly nonsense. That's what everyone expects.

I don't have anything really interesting to say or show this time around. My mind isn't as collected as I wanted it to be. I don't think it has been in quite some time. Sort of frustrating, but I think I can handle it.

Eventually I'll have something awesome and deep to talk about. I think...no. That's not me. I'm not deep. I'm simple and I ignore the serious parts. Which isn't healthy as I'm learning. To go through life and just notice the good, easily understable things...is a terrible thing. No one takes you seriously, you stop taking yourself seriously, you stop being able to handle the real world.

After years of ignoring the big things, the bad things, the terrible things...you tend to run out of good things to notice. And when that time finally happens, the terrible things become horrible, eye-gouging-ly awful situations.

I'm not saying my life has been terrible, because it hasn't, it just isn't as cheery as I like to pretend. There's a lot that I've seen, experienced, that would make your face curl up in a cringe of pity. Then again you might just shrug because you've either gone through the same/similar thing, or you've seen worse.

I'm rambling again. I'm sorry.

I don't really have anything positive to say right now. I'm grumpy and pent up. I want out. I want to frolic among the waves, under the guidance of the stars. But I can't. Its not proper, its not safe, its not feasible at this moment in time.

Fuck I wish I could just walk out and wander for awhile. Why not? People would worry. They'd stop me. I know this, because its happened before. I'm not allowed to do as I want. I'm not allowed.

Rrrrr...

I'll just...sleep. At least in the Dreaming I can wander as I please. There I can wreak havoc, tear at things with my teeth, hold someone without feeling uncomfortable about being close to another living being...

This post really has nothing worthy of mention. Ah well. I needed a proper vent, since my normal art venting hasn't been working out. Damn art block.

Well...I'm going to call it a night. Nighty-night.

New painting

I finally got around to painting something I actually liked. And of course it was inapropriate in subject. It started out as a self-portrait and ended up as a bad joke. Mainly because I keep thinking people are going to think that since its a self-portrait, that the *ahem* hoo-haw is also self-referenced. This is not the case. In fact I'm pretty sure its inaccurate anatomically. I don't really make it a habit to study anyone's genitals.

Then its also a bad joke because at the time I was working on this, I was (and still am) going through some rather strange musings...gender-wise.

But I'll talk about that another time, when I've thought it through better. Right now that subject is all murky for me. Even if these musings have been going on for over a year and a half now.

BACK TO ART...right now I've been working on costumes rather than actual art. Sketchings of potential characters for short videos I want to make, are abundant in my newly found leather sketchbook. Hopefully I can to a scanner sometime soon so I can upload them.

Hrm...

I can't really think of anything to talk about now. I suppose I'll leave it at that then.

Of Art and Thoughts

Soooo...this is going to be my new island among the sea that is the internet. I'll be posting my art and personal thoughts here on occasion.

Fair warning, I use foul language and my art is sometimes inapropriate...and I post silly pictures if I don't have any good art to show.

And I tend to ramble a lot. So you'll have to pardon me when I end up in a spiral of nonsense.


Yuuup, that's all I can think to say for now. Should be updating with an actual post soon. So, enjoy!